


my mind won't stop

by t_hens



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Break Up, M/M, Mentions of alcohol, Unhappy Ending, illusions to cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 21:28:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15804924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: 'Cause my mind won't stop, it's just 11 blocksI know that you're home'Cause it's Friday night, you're not that typeI know that you're home'written for the Phandom Fic Fest: fic you're afraid to write





	my mind won't stop

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I have always been afraid to write sad things, or things that don't have a happy ending; both for my own personal reasons, and because I don't think that they do as well 'kudo' wise.  
> but I have been thinking about writing a fic like this for a while so I decided to do it while I had the opportunity.
> 
> fic based of of [11 Blocks](https://open.spotify.com/track/7nZBRPj89rgeZ5eBLp2J7P) by Wrabel
> 
> beta by @fourthingsandawizard

Dan hated parties, so he couldn’t think for the life of him why he was dragging himself out of the crease his body had worn into the sofa to mill around awkwardly with a bunch of people that he mostly didn’t know. Well, he knew why; he was doing this thing where he tried to be a good person, and that included being a good friend. Also a good boyfriend, if he was really getting down to brass tacks, because as of late he kind of sucked at that.

He pulled his coat closer to him and took a deep breath, watching as it appeared in front of him in the frigid London air. He really should have taken a taxi, but he could use the exercise. He had been slacking on basic self care for a while now, and he needed to get back on track. Might as well use the opportunity while he had it.

The apartment building appeared sooner than he expected and he stepped inside. As he guessed, he didn’t know more than half the people, but he still smiled as genuinely as he could and quickly tried to find the people he knew. Parker was in the kitchen getting more wine and gave him a wide smile when he saw him, wrapping him in a tight hug and placing a light kiss on his lips. Dan gave a strained smile back and reached for a glass of wine before it was offered, his anxiety on high from being near so many people he didn’t know. Parker seemed to understand and lightly patted and kissed his cheek, leading them to the couch where it was a little less crowded.

Objectively, Dan thought this could be a nice party; there was good wine and the snacks were nice. There was soft pop music playing and Corey had strung up fairy lights when they decorated for the party, making a nice comfy atmosphere. But Dan was anxious and plied with wine, thanks to Parker’s insistence that it would help him relax. 

After a while he decided that he needed some air and told Parker he was going for a walk. Parker stood to go with, but Dan smiled and assured him that he just needed a few minutes to get some air, grabbing his coat and heading out the door before Parker had even sat back down.

He was walking without really knowing where his feet were taking him, and it wasn’t until he saw the coffee shop that his brain caught up. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and stared into the coffee shop window, unsure if he should keep going. He knew nothing good could come of where he was headed. His heart already ached knowing how close he was; for him, for Parker, and for Phil - who would surely want nothing to do with him. 

They had said their peace, they had said their goodbyes a long time ago, so why was he here? Five blocks from Phil’s apartment, apparently, with every intention of going there to do what? Talk to him? Beg for him to forgive him and take him back? But why would he do that? He had Parker, and he loved Parker. Right?

His wine-addled brain throbbed and he pressed his fingers to his temples. What was he doing? He stared into the window again and looked at his reflection; he looked like a mess - his hair was a frizzy poof of curls, and even in the little light coming from the street lights, he could see the dark circles under his eyes. 

He closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them, he was walking forward before he had really made a conscious decision. 

Phil’s apartment came into view and Dan could feel the pounding of anxiety in his veins. Was he really doing this? He knocked on the door and immediately wanted to run away. He waited for a moment and started to turn away, afraid to deal with what he realized what was obviously a drunk impulsive decision, when the door opened.

Phil was wearing his glasses and pajamas, because of course he wasn’t going out on a Friday night. Warmth and familiarity bloomed in Dan’s chest, unwelcome. He hadn’t felt that since before they had broken up, and the reminder made a small, broken part of him break a little more.

Phil raised his eyebrows at him, confused at his presence.

“Um, hi.”

Phil didn’t say anything, just stared for a moment before stepping aside to let Dan in. 

Dan hesitated, knowing what would happen if he went inside. 

The hesitation didn’t last long, though, and he was walking up the front steps and back inside the familiar apartment, feeling Phil’s hand on his back and feeling like that piece that he had been missing was, at least temporarily, back in place.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: tobieallison  
> pillowfort: t_hens
> 
> like/reblog on [tumblr](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/177416470741/my-mind-wont-stop) if you like :)


End file.
